Wow. Today officially ended my 36 weeks of nutrition and 40 weeks of personal training with Steff at Total Fitness & Nutrition.

And what better way to end it than with a 56.2-pound weight loss and 21.25 inches gone (for good!).

Can you believe it? I can’t.

I am now down 81 (EIGHTY ONE!) pounds from my heaviest weight. Crazy!

I took measurements when I was around 240 pounds, but I’m not sure where I’ve put them. I’ll have to dig them out and compare. The 21.25 inches lost has been since September 25, 2023.

This all seems like a bit of a fever dream if I’m honest.

I had been “obese” (as classified by the lovely BMI chart) for so long I almost forgot what it was like to be in a smaller body. Now that I’m in a smaller body, it’s weird. Especially because I’m smaller than I was in college and all I wanted was to be around that size again after years and years of being obese.

Now, almost all of my pre-fat clothes are too big. The shopaholic in me is quite pleased that I need to buy clothes that fit, but my bank account is screaming, “Please stop spending money! You’ve spent enough in the last 36 weeks!”. 😉

Losing weight was something I wanted desperately for many years, even when I was smaller in college, but I just never stuck to anything long enough to make any meaningful changes… Until now.

I remember when I submitted the contact form on Steff’s website I was scared shitless. I didn’t have a great track record of sticking with things. I figured there was a chance this could be another one of those things but I also knew that I couldn’t keep doing this rodeo. I needed to get off the horse at some point.

When I told Momma D about Steff and Total Fitness & Nutrition, she offered to pay for the first 12 weeks of nutrition and the “bible” that Steff provides, but I’d have to pay for the personal training. Deal.

But now there was pressure. Momma D’s money was on the line.

She had one condition: whatever Steff teaches you, you teach me.

Safe to say I’m a pretty good teacher because I have a pretty good teacher. 😉

I’ve broken down tonight’s post into multiple headings with a Table of Contents so you can skip around if you don’t want to read everything. (I won’t be offended if you don’t read it all.) 🙂

1. Goodbye food tours, hello seltzer!
2. Session-by-session breakdown
3. 36 lessons in 36 weeks
4. Scale anxiety
5. Can I continue the weight loss and training without Steff?
6. Excerpts from my journal
7. What’s the plan, Stan?

Goodbye food tours, hello seltzer!

What I didn’t expect was having to almost completely change my entire way of eating.

Gone were the days when I’d do my “food tours” — stopping at Starbucks, then McDonalds, and then a bakery before going home, easily dropping $60 on food in one hour. I talked a little about this here.

Gone were the days of eating a big breakfast, a big lunch, several snacks, and then going out to dinner and getting bread, an appetizer, an entree, a dessert, AND sometimes a drink. Woof. I don’t even want to think about how many calories that was.

And here were days of planning out my meals for the week, meal prepping on Sundays, trying and liking salmon (thanks, Sarah!), trying and liking seltzer (and keeping my pantry fully stocked with it), not eating sweets with every single meal and snack, and going to the gym 4-5x a week.

You cannot expect change to happen if you do not change the way you live.

Let me write that again and let it sink in:
You cannot expect change to happen if you do not change the way you live.

Session-by-session breakdown

For those who like photos, especially before and after photos, this section is for you!

DATE	WEIGHT	WAIST (in)	HIPS (in)	CHEST (in)
9/25/23	215.2	39.0	43.5	42.75
12/15/23	189.4	34.5	41.0	41.75
3/8/24	173.6	32.0	38.5	38.75
5/31/24	159.0	30.5	36.5	37.0

36 lessons in 36 weeks

1. You are incredibly capable of doing hard things.
2. You cannot out-train a poor diet.
3. The longer you spend overeating when you’re trying to be in a deficit only prolongs the deficit.
4. Sugar detoxing is a real thing and it’s a bitch, but a necessary evil.
5. Consistency is king.
6. Discipline is key.
7. Show up for yourself, every single day.
8. The number on the scale shouldn’t define you, but sometimes it does. Do the mental work.
9. You have to make sacrifices to get to where you want to be.
10. Your tastebuds change (and that’s OK!).
11. Put your food into My Fitness Pal either the night before or that morning instead of whenever you eat a meal/snack so you don’t run out of calories/macros too soon.
12. Plan out your nonnegotiable foods first (for me, right now, it’s at least one Dive Bar, some type of dessert for after dinner, and a smoothie bowl with granola and dark chocolate chips for breakfast and then I work the rest of my calories/macros around that).
13. Lifting heavy weights is empowering as f**k.
14. Community and surrounding yourself with other like-minded individuals is important.
15. Keep a journal to reflect back on when things get tough (because it will).
16. Emotions, especially after dropping dozens of pounds, are normal. Embrace them.
17. Unfollow, block, or delete any social media accounts that don’t serve you.
18. Take the photos. Take all of the photos, even if you hate having photos taken.
19. If your first attempt at hiring a coach to help with weight loss doesn’t work, don’t give up on yourself. Find another.
20. This is the only body you have. How do you choose to honor it?
21. Push aside the feelings of complacency and remember your end goal.
22. When you invest in a coach, it’s not just your money on the line, it’s your time, their time, your body, and their career. Respect all of it.
23. Calorie deficits are short-term sacrifices for a longer-term goal.
24. Show yourself the same love you give to others.
25. Accept the compliments but remember that you were beautiful before the weight loss, too.
26. Acknowledge all of the non-scale victories (clothes fit better, more energy, PRs in the gym, increased confidence, etc.).
27. It’s OK when the scale loss slows down, don’t be discouraged. You are probably losing inches instead. 😉
28. Music is powerful. Make playlists for all occasions and really listen to the words. Use the songs to get you through the day.
29. Lean on the people who show up for you. ❤
30. Reward yourself for pounds lost in ways that don’t relate to food.
31. Remember that you have almost no control when someone else cooks for you, so sometimes eating at home regularly is better when you’re in a deficit.
32. There’s beauty in your everyday routine, even when it feels mundane.
33. People will have their opinions about your weight loss. You know what they say about opinions… 😉 Just stay the course. (I talked about this in another blog post.)
34. You never know who is listening to how you talk about yourself and your body. What you say about your body may impact how they feel about theirs.
35. There is no such thing as the “clean plate club” anymore. It’s a toxic mindset around eating. Honor your body’s cues. If you don’t like what you made, don’t feel hungry anymore, or just don’t want to eat it, then don’t. Put it back in the fridge for later, take it home, or throw it out.
36. Remain grateful and appreciative of your body and what it does for you, even on days when you hate it and wish you had another body.

Scale anxiety

Steff asked me last week if I wanted my scale back but I’d only get it back on one condition: I didn’t weigh myself daily. I said yes, I’d take it back.

(I surrendered my scale to Steff on October 5 when I kept getting on it at home every other day and psyching myself out before weigh-ins. One of her rules as a nutrition client is that you weigh in with her on her scale at the gym. That’s her source of truth — not your scale at home. She gave me the option to throw the scale out or bring it to her to hold onto for the duration of my nutrition. The next morning, at 7 AM on my day off, I drove to the gym and handed her my scale. It was a huge help to get it out of my apartment. 10/10 recommend!)

I changed my mind the same day she asked me if I wanted the scale back. I don’t want it in my apartment right now. I can’t handle it.

Some people do well weighing in every day to get their average, but if you struggle with the scale, this might not be a good idea for you. I am still working through the demons with the scale. I haven’t been able to switch from the “oooh scary scale!” mindset to the “this is just a unit of measurement and one tool I can use for weight management” mindset.

I still have scale anxiety even after 36 weeks of stepping on the scale consistently 1-2 times per week. I remember a couple weeks back when Steff asked me to get on the scale (not atypical!) and my demeanor completely changed. Even Steff noticed and said something about it.

Steff asked me this morning if I wanted the scale back. I shook my head and she agreed that I wasn’t ready for it yet. She’s seen me at my best, my worst, and everything in between over the last 36-40 weeks. I’m glad we’re on the same page about the scale and I’m happy she didn’t force me to take it back.

My scale anxiety is something I need to work on. One day the scale will just be a tool and it won’t freak me out. I will weigh in on Mondays or Tuesdays when I go to the gym to workout, just like I have been doing since September 25, 2023. I’ll take my scale back eventually.

Can I continue the weight loss and training without Steff?

I’m nervous about doing this without Steff and despite my shortcomings and slips over the last 36 weeks, she’s taught me better eating habits and adherence. Steff has given me all the tools I need to do this on my own. If my weight loss stalls, I know I can go to her and ask for help. She’s not going to desert me just because our sessions are over. Likewise, I know if I need to do another session or two, she’ll be there.

My 1x1s might be over, but I’m switching to a group class membership where I can go to the gym unlimited times a month.

I’ve really enjoyed the one group class I’ve done per week as part of my nutrition package. It has allowed me to meet so many incredible people and get in an extra workout.

It was a good way for me to get over my group class anxiety. I used to feel like there would be SO many eyeballs looking at me. It’s why I picked personal training in the beginning. I didn’t want anyone to see me struggling during the workouts.

In reality, there are no eyeballs looking at me! And if they are looking at me, it’s because they want to motivate me to continue to push myself in the gym and give me encouragement. Sometimes we just need to hear someone else say that we’re doing great and then we’ll (maybe) believe it. 🙂

Excerpts from my journal

I didn’t start my journal until after the first session, nor did I journal in it as much as I thought I would but it was there when I needed it. And man, did I lean into it on some difficult days, especially in December.

Here are some of my favorite excerpts. Enjoy the raw honesty. 🙂

12-18-2023

JFC, Kate… Please do better. This is the only body you have. Gosh, I was so f**king miserable. I felt judged all the time. It’s just crazy that I did that to myself. It was SO easy though. I know my excessive spending was related to the weight gain and trying to mask the pain with pretty things.

If Steff wasn’t in my life, I’d still be stuck at 215 pounds… miserable. Instead, I’m 189 pounds and ending the year less than 200 pounds, which is one of the goals I’ve had for many years now. I finally did it. I b*tch and moan about the workouts, seeing her name come up on my phone with a “your fats are too high” text, but if I’m honest, I love it. I’m seeing results. I’m showing up for myself.

12-22-2023

Now I’m dealing with feelings of complacency — “well, I’m under 200 pounds so this is good enough” or “186 pounds? Let’s just stop here”. But I have to keep reminding myself that I am not a complacent person. In any situation.

It was nice to see Lyson at our Toastmasters meeting on 12/19 and hear him say, “Wow, I leave for a month and I come back and you look like that?!”. I have days where I don’t see the changes/progress and days I do. I’m grateful he noticed, especially because I really didn’t want to go to the meeting because I knew everyone would be bringing platters and platters of sweets and I’d feel tempted to pig out.

12-28-2023

I also think it’s important to acknowledge the non-scale victories too. I have better energy, sleep better, my confidence is coming back, I’m wearing tighter clothes, my face is getting smaller, I feel lighter (in every sense of the word), life is just so much better when you stop hating yourself as much as I have for the last 5-6 years.

2024 will be the year it all comes together and I could not be more grateful.

What’s the plan, Stan?

I need to follow through with my weight loss though. I owe it to myself. I didn’t come this far just to only come this far. I need to hit that sweet spot where even if the scale doesn’t drop, the measurements do because that, my friends, is fat loss (not weight loss).

You might be thinking to yourself, “Kate, you’ve lost enough weight. And too quickly, too! I think you’re good now!”.

Weight loss/calorie deficit/fat loss is all subjective and unique to the person.

Yes, I’ve lost a lot of weight. You can see it all over my body but especially my face. I am still holding onto quite a bit of fat in my midsection and since you can’t spot reduce, it means my deficit phase continues. The goal is to continue working on my physique until * I * am comfortable rocking a two-piece swimsuit.

Sustainable weight loss is 1-2 pounds per week. If this was true for me (again, subjective to the person in the deficit and their starting point), I would have lost 36-72 pounds in the last 36 weeks. I lost 56.2, so that’s right on track.

Because Kate loves lists:

• Continue to meal prep on Sundays
• One day, one meal, one workout at a time
• Continue to eat in a calorie deficit
• Reassess my physique in 6 weeks
• Continue to love life again
• Maintain the same activity level (gym 4-5x a week)
• Continue to make smarter choices when out at restaurants
• Find a therapist 🙂

Thank you all for your love and support on my weight loss journey. There are truly no words to express how grateful I am to all of you.

❤ Kate

PS: If you’re serious about making lifestyle changes that support a healthier version of your best self, reach out to Steff here. 

PPS. Don’t forget to take advantage of my Dive Bar affiliate link for 22% off your order! Use my code here. 🙂