Traveling can be taxing, not just on the body but also on the mind. 

Add in trying to eat better than you have for every vacation prior, trying to maintain the same activity level from home, no routine, and well, you find yourself going a little insane. 

This was me in February 2024 when I went to the Bahamas for my 30th birthday. It took me several months to actually book the trip (started thinking about it in February 2023 after my 29th birthday, finally booked hotel/flights/limo in December!). Every other day leading up to the trip I contemplated calling the whole thing off.  

Why? Well, between still not feeling “good enough” to be seen in a bathing suit despite losing 63 pounds and knowing that my special occasion food habits needed a lot of work, I was not sure an international trip somewhere by myself was the best idea.

I had flashbacks to my family’s trip to Aruba in May 2022. I had been absolutely miserable. I was the biggest I had ever been. I was the most depressed I’d ever been. And I was certainly the most uncomfortable I’d ever been. I ruined that trip for myself by being so in my head that I couldn’t enjoy the experience. All of the photos taken of me were so disgusting and unflattering. I was so embarrassed by myself. 

Although I was not the same Kate for my trip to the Bahamas, those feelings from 2 years before came crashing back in waves. And there was even more self-imposed pressure because I had lost all that weight.

When I left for the Bahamas on February 11, I was starting Week 22 of nutrition with Steff. I had been following regimented protocols for the past 21 weeks, only having two untracked meals on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

(Remember, the more you prolong your deficit phase, the longer you have to be in it!)

I had been consistently going to the gym 3-5 days a week. Sundays were dedicated to meal prep so I’d have most of my meals and food components ready to go for the whole week. I had become accustomed to my routine and, surprisingly, I enjoyed it. I was seeing progress — real, meaningful, and sustainable progress in both pounds lost and my depression. 

I was so worried that I’d go on my trip and ruin all of that progress. How would I live with myself if I did that? How could I look at myself in the mirror and be OK with it all? Realistically, no one goes on a 5-day vacation and gains 60 pounds back, but do you think I knew that?

Steff and I agreed that I would not follow my typical nutrition protocols on vacation but I would try to make better choices than I had in vacations past. I’d honor my body.

What did that mean?

It definitely meant chocolate chip waffles, cinnamon rolls, pizza, coffee cake, sushi, pasta.. Just to name a few things. 😉

I drank a cappuccino (sometimes 2!) every morning while reading a book waiting for my breakfast. At home, I drink black iced coffee year round (and yes, I actually like my coffee black AND iced, 365 days a year).

I had 2 drinks, a pina colada on my birthday and a frozen strawberry margarita with my last dinner in the Bahamas.

I listened to my body. When it was full, it was full and I stopped eating. (This meant I took A LOT of food back to the room with me, which also saved me some money because it was more expensive in the Bahamas than I realized!)

When my body craved veggies and protein, I made that happen.

When it wanted some mediocre hash browns drowned in hollandaise for the second time that week, I made that happen, too. 

Balance, baby!

I had a “come to Jesus” moment the day after my birthday — 3 days into the 5-day trip. I was so miserable. I missed my boys, my routine, the gym, my family and friends, and yes, even work. I was alone on a tropical island. You would think I’d be living my best life, but I was so preoccupied by everything else except the island.

I journaled about how I was feeling — anything to get the words I wasn’t saying out loud out of my head:

I’m getting nervous about stepping on the scale next week. I have not eaten clean at all this week and I didn’t try to. I probably could have made other choices, but come on, you only turn 30 once. I don’t regret what I’ve eaten so far. And, if anything, this trip has made me want to go home and resume my protocols and gym 4-5x/week. I can see how far I’ve come, mentally and physically, but I can also see how much further I have to go in both regards. I really would like to feel confident in a swim suit for the summer. I’m very uncomfortable still. I think part of that here is my diet and also seeing everyone else in their suits, regardless of their body shape, just rocking it. I long for that. That is the ultimate goal, and maybe in 4-6 months time, I’ll be there. This trip really proves how important maintaining this work with Steff is. I can’t keep going on beach trips feeling like I shouldn’t be in a bathing suit — that’s not fair… Going to choose to focus on the good: bright blue sky, vibrant green palm trees, cool breeze, warm sun. It’s island time, baby! XX

I wish I could say eating all of that “bad” food on my trip was euphoric but it wasn’t.

It was just food.

Food has no moral value. Food is not good or bad, right or wrong.
(Unless you’re allergic or have dietary restrictions!)

This was just food that had different macronutrients than I had been eating, but food that still fueled my 7 AM workouts, my 60-minute basketball sessions in the afternoon, and my daily 10k steps.

I ate what I ate and I chose to move on. 

I feel my best when I move my body. It’s a bonus when I can move my body in fun ways. Jump rope (I’m working on my double unders!), shooting hoops, and walking were perfect options for me on this trip.

I didn’t feel like I had to workout. I wasn’t punishing myself for the Oreo cheesecake, the brownie sundae, french fries, or the alcohol.

I exercised because I wanted to. I asked Steff if I could borrow some of the gym’s equipment and if she’d be willing to give me a couple of workouts. I’m an early bird year-round, so I liked starting my mornings off with a workout before heading to breakfast. This was just like my routine back home.

This trip taught me a lot about what I want in my 30th year.

It’s clear that I still have a lot of demons to work through. But unlike all the times before, I made the choice not to give up on myself.

When I woke up in my bed that cold Saturday morning back in West Boylston, not even 10 hours after I had gotten home, I had a game plan. Grocery store. Meal prepping. 175+ grams of protein a day. Consistency in my deficit. Back to the gym on Monday morning for my regular 1×1 with Steff (I had missed her, too!).

Just as there’s beauty in a tropical destination, there’s beauty in the mundane simplicity of life back home, too.

And, as it turns out, all of that self-sabotage was for nothing. When I weighed in with Steff that Monday, I was at a new, all-time low. (Shoutout to refeeds and maintaining – possibly exceeding – my activity level on my trip!)

I ruined most of my trip by being so damn concerned about the food and the scale.

If I could go back in time, I’d get out of my way sooner. 

See you on May 31!
~ K 

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