I put an exorbitant amount of money, trust, and time into two coaches. 

(We’re not even going to talk about how I threw money into all of those 12-week challenges you see all over social media. I did that quite a few times, too.)

Who you have on your side matters a whole heck of a lot when you’re trying to lose weight. I think there are many coaches who only see you as their paycheck and other coaches who genuinely want to see you succeed (and yes, everyone wants to be paid — there’s no doubt about that).

I hired an online coach in July 2022. I needed help after Aruba and I couldn’t do it on my own. We worked together for several months.

What did I have to show after the first 16 weeks? A 22 pound weight loss!

What did I have to show for the second 16 weeks? A 10 pound weight gain! 

The first 16 weeks were fine. He was mostly responsive and attentive. He checked in with me via text almost every week. Answered almost every question I had via text. Sent me the Loom recordings (for anyone unfamiliar, online coaches use this as a way to do your check-ins) every so often. Scheduled Zoom meetings with me here and there.

For an online coach with no physical interaction with me because he was based in Boston and I’m not, this was OK! You learn to be OK with virtual communication when receiving a virtual service.

I don’t understand what happened when I renewed. He was glad to take my money and ghost me for weeks at a time after I paid for the second 16 weeks. He stopped answering my texts and he stopped checking in on me. I know from a mutual party that he did this to another one of his clients, too.

It was hard for me to show up for myself when he wasn’t showing up for me anymore. At that point, I figured I’d already wasted over two thousand dollars, especially since I had started regaining some of the weight, so what was the point of trying? I would have good days and bad days, but the bad days outweighed the good days and I ended up gaining back 10 pounds in only a couple of months.

He knew how much I struggled with his workout programming and instead of helping me modify it when I asked him to, he did nothing. He told me that it was an easy, quick workout and I should just do it. (There’s nothing quick or easy about a 75 minute gym routine with several pieces of equipment that I didn’t even have at my apartment complex’s gym.) Needless to say, I didn’t “just do it”. I settled on going for walks because at least it meant I was somewhat active.

What I loved most (can you hear the sarcasm?) was as the second 16-week session was coming to an end, he showed up again to renew for another 16 weeks in March 2023.

I was done though. I had been counting down the days for our contract to end so I would stop feeling obligated to submit my Sunday check-ins, even though he would only respond to them once every few weeks.

I hate confrontation, and you may remember this from the Stop listening to people who aren’t in your shoes post I did, but after hemming and hawing over his text to renew for another 16 weeks and having other people review my response (I agonized over my response for hours and hours!), I sent him this:

• We’ve had a total of 2 Zoom meetings and 0 Loom recordings in these 16 weeks. Your contract says your commitment to me is Zoom calls every other week (8 calls for 16 weeks) and Loom recordings every week (16 recordings for 16 weeks).
• You wanted to do a virtual gym session with me in January, I gave you my schedule, you didn’t schedule the session.
• You wanted to meet at the end of February but when I gave you another option for a call after the original time didn’t work with my schedule, you never responded.
• I went back up to 228 pounds (from 218) and I just got *myself* back down to 222. I can’t justify paying another $1,200 when I’m doing the work on my own.
• I’ve been putting in the effort to take control of my weight loss in my own way, but you haven’t been supporting me the way you’re supposed to. I’m trying to hold myself accountable because as my coach, you haven’t been there for me. I wish you the best of luck in the future. 🙂

When he responded, he wasn’t mad or upset. He was apologetic and owned up to it. He offered to finish out the rest of 2023 for free. It didn’t feel right to have him give me ~8 months for free (and I had a feeling things wouldn’t be any different — listen to your gut, people!), but he insisted. I told him that I had been losing weight again my way (counting calories not tracking macros) and I wanted to stick with that. He said that was fine.

We were good for the month of April. No Looms or Zooms, but he’d text me to check in.

In May, I got sick. I kept writing that I wasn’t doing OK in my check-ins, but he was not acknowledging it at all.

Mid-June, I got my first Loom in months. And guess why? I had finally stopped submitting check-ins. Why submit a check-in if he wasn’t going to respond? I continued to submit check-ins for a couple weeks after that. I was sick for almost 8 whole weeks before I got my diagnosis towards the end of June, which I shared with him via check-in.

No response.

It was time to sever the ties. There wasn’t even a conversation. I think we both knew it was over.

Maybe he was unprepared to handle my IBD diagnosis. Maybe he didn’t like working for free (who does?!). Maybe he had things going on in his life that needed his immediate attention. I don’t know what happened but I knew that I couldn’t go through that again with another coach. I remember thinking to myself, I’d rather just be fat than have someone let me down like that again.

I fully acknowledge that I was not an easy client and that I had my moments. I was unwilling to change some of my bad habits. I didn’t always hit my macros but I “usually” stayed within my calories. My days were chock-full of skipping breakfast, a smaller lunch, and saving those calories for dinner so I could eat an 800-900 calorie dinner. I absolutely had to have all the candy, all the time, multiple times a day. Here’s a picstitch of what my meals used to look like (ignore the timestamps – not sure what I was doing 18 months ago, ha ha):

He never once commented on my food choices, but I think he should have… Remember, IIFYM is all about “if it fits your macros”, not necessarily whether or not it’s the most nutrient-dense choice. Besides the cucumber and chicken, there was nothing nutrient-dense about any of those food choices.

I also remember rolling my eyes at the 120g of protein he’d want me to eat and now I chuckle because I eat 175-200g of protein per day (and I don’t even complain about it! Well… I’m sure Steff would disagree, ha ha).

And here’s a picstitch of what my meals look like now:

Steff? Now that’s a whole different story.

What do I have to show for my time with her? Well, at the time of this blog post, I am 31 weeks into it and in those 31 weeks, I have lost 51 pounds and 16 inches.

Why was I so successful?

Because I knew from that first phone call with Steff on August 29, 2023 that I could trust her.

I liked her no bullsh*t approach to living a healthy lifestyle. I needed that. I desperately needed to find balance and moderation.

She wasn’t all about the money, either. She genuinely wanted me to take my life back.

And she offered a personalized program for me. She doesn’t just slap the same programming together for every single one of her clients. Weight loss is not a one-size-fits-all. It is incredibly individualistic.

I was able to do the nutrition component and get one-on-one time with Steff for personal training 30 to 45 minutes 3-4 times/week. Working with Steff has been well worth the cost for taking back my life. I think this is what I really needed — the in-person accountability with my nutrition and doing exercises in the gym that I love.

We don’t talk every day but that’s OK, I know that when Steff sees something she doesn’t like in my food logs or has questions, she’ll reach out.

She cares an incredible amount about the people who trust her to help them.

One of the first things she offered me was the numbers of her previous clients so I could talk to them and ask them what it was like to work with her. I actually passed on this because I prefer to find out for myself (which is funny considering how badly I had been burned by the first coach!).

Recently, Steff asked me if I’d be willing to talk to one of her newest clients about my experience and I jumped at the opportunity to talk about it.

Why?

Because Steff changed my life.

I tear up when I write that and when I say it out loud, but it’s true. I finally feel like me again. I am starting to love the woman who looks back at me in the mirror. The woman I see in photos. I don’t hate her anymore.

It’s comeback season, baby!

Hiring a weight loss coach means that they will help you lose the weight, but you have to put the work in, too. It’s a mutually beneficial, two-way street if you can find the right coach for you. Who do you want to walk on that street with?

Coaches can talk the talk and walk the walk all they want, but their actions are what you should focus on.

Be careful of who you invest your time, energy, and money into.
~ K